After 10 years together, my boyfriend says he doesn’t want children | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

You say this is a massive deal for you, but the ‘state of the world’ question could be equally huge for him. Couples therapy will helpMy boyfriend and I are in our mid/late thirties and have been together 10 years. We bought a house together a few years ago and both have good jobs. We love each other deeply, although we’re not always great at communicating (I talk too much, he too little). We’ve talked vaguely about having children over the years, and always agreed it was something we wanted in the future. For the past few years I’ve wanted children more and have brought it up more often. A year ago I said I wanted to start trying but he continued to shut down the conversations and say now wasn’t the time.After much arm twisting, he’s now said he doesn’t want children, as he finds the state of the world too depressing. I’m at a loss about what to do. I feel like he’s broken our agreement; I thought I was just waiting for him to catch up with my headspace but now he’s changed the whole plan. I understand his point, but I am more optimistic and think life is what you make it. I desperately want a child and feel like it’s all I think about. On the other hand, I don’t want a life without him. I don’t know how to have a conversation with him without it seeming like I’m trying to force him to change his mind and do something he now doesn’t want to do (something he has accused me of doing in arguments in the past). Continue reading...

After 10 years together, my boyfriend says he doesn’t want children | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

You say this is a massive deal for you, but the ‘state of the world’ question could be equally huge for him. Couples therapy will help

My boyfriend and I are in our mid/late thirties and have been together 10 years. We bought a house together a few years ago and both have good jobs. We love each other deeply, although we’re not always great at communicating (I talk too much, he too little). We’ve talked vaguely about having children over the years, and always agreed it was something we wanted in the future. For the past few years I’ve wanted children more and have brought it up more often. A year ago I said I wanted to start trying but he continued to shut down the conversations and say now wasn’t the time.

After much arm twisting, he’s now said he doesn’t want children, as he finds the state of the world too depressing. I’m at a loss about what to do. I feel like he’s broken our agreement; I thought I was just waiting for him to catch up with my headspace but now he’s changed the whole plan. I understand his point, but I am more optimistic and think life is what you make it. I desperately want a child and feel like it’s all I think about. On the other hand, I don’t want a life without him. I don’t know how to have a conversation with him without it seeming like I’m trying to force him to change his mind and do something he now doesn’t want to do (something he has accused me of doing in arguments in the past).

Continue reading...

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